Tuesday, June 10, 2008

Fear of Success and Negative Self-talk

Fear of success? Is that even possible?

The answer is yes!

We've actually touched upon one aspect of fear of success in our first discussion about what keeps aspiring authors from becoming published authors.

Part of fear of success is believing you're not good enough. Negative self-talk is damaging and limiting. It not only increases stress; it limits you by making you believe you can't do something.

So, how can you stop negative self-talk?

Here are some ideas:

Journaling: Every writer I know keeps a journal. Let the words flow, but go back afterwards and analyze your thoughts. Really get a feel for how you see yourself.

Stop that Thought: When you hear that negative self-talk, whether it be in your head or out loud, say, "stop". This will make you aware of your negative thoughts.

Replace Negative Statements with the Positive Questions: Instead of saying, "This is impossible!" say "How is this possible?" When you feel like saying, "How can I be so stupid!" say "How can avoid that mistake in the future?"

Negative self-talk is a bad habit, but it can be changed. Become more aware of when negativity takes a hold of you so that you can replace those moments with positive energy. Focus on all the things you do right, not the areas where you feel you're lacking.

We'll continue our discussion on fear of success soon. Get ready to write down what obstacles are standing in the way of your success and the changes you can put in motion to make it happen.

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Blogger Marilyn said...

I love talking to people at booksignings, where I am looked at with such respect and envy, and inevitably, someone will pass by, smile tentatively, then go on to browse the books, and return again in a few moments, to tell me, in hushed tones, "I've always wanted to write."
"Well, then, write," I answer. The wannabee author looks at me like I had told him to go jump off the Empire State Building.
I continue, telling him, "The only way to write a book, or poetry, or whatever you are into, is to actually write it down. Then you get it published. It's not doing you any good in your bottom desk drawer."
A cloud passes over the person's face and he backs away, mumbling, "Well, I'd better go," or words to that effect.
I suspect he's thinking, not "What if I try and fail?" but "What if I actually do it?" He knows where he is right now...comfy and secure, with his dream still a dream. If he does take the leap, he would have to face the unknown world of Rejection Letters, and that would be a bullet through the heart. And what if he actually succeeds? What will happen to him then? Will his friends still be his friends? Will he still be the same person?
The fear of success trumps the fear of failure, there, I believe.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Karen Magill said...

I am in the middle of starting a new business on writing promo. I wrote something for my first client and he didn't like it. I rewrote it and still it didn't please him. But that has not caused me to give up on the business. Instead I know that I have to make some adjustments. Still the fear of actually being successful or of failing is always there.

1:09 PM  
Blogger Cheryl said...

Thanks for stopping by ladies. You know Marilyn, when people hear that I'm a writer it's like I've told them I live in a mansion. "Really?" they ask, as if they just met Bill Gates. Don't we live a glamorous life? LOL!

Karen, I've been meaning to go through your posts at the group about that. I'll really have to look at them now. I would ask you to consider two things: 1) is his feedback valuable and 2) is he being reasonable? Same thing goes with any piece of writing that is critiqued by another person. Granted, in this case you need to make the client happy, but there are some people who toss out less than reasonable requests.

Either way, don't see that as a reflection on you. You can succeed and you will!


2:55 PM  
Blogger Dyan Garris said...

Hello Cheryl: Great post! It is when we stop living life in our heads and begin living life in alignment, as mind, body, and spirit, that we can successfully get out of the fear. Fear blocks everything. The power is in the love. And in order to feel that love and align with that love, we must get out of our "heads" and what we "think" we want. Because this only creates more fear. Please read my recent posts on "Relationship With Money" and "Success and Failure." I hope that helps!


2:59 PM  

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